Self Help - Suicide: How to Help Save a Friend

The common link among people who kill themselves is the belief that suicide is the ONLY solution to a set of overwhelming feelings. The attraction of suicide is that it will finally end these unbearable feelings. The tragedy of suicide is that intense emotional distress often blinds people to alternative solutions...yet other solutions are almost always available. We all experience feelings of loneliness, depression, helplessness, and hopelessness from time to time. The death of a family member, the breakup of a relationship, blows to our self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness, and/or major financial setbacks are serious problems which all of us may have to face at some point in our lives. Every person's emotional makeup is unique, each of us responds to situations differently. In considering whether a person is suicidal, evaluate the crisis from that person's perspective. What may seem of minor importance to you can be of major importance to someone else, and an event that may be insignificant to you can be extremely distressful to another. Regardless of the crisis, if a person feels overwhelmed, there is danger that suicide may look like attractive solution.

Myths and Facts about Suicide:

MYTH: You have to be crazy to even think about suicide. 

FACT: Most people have thought of suicide sometime in their lives. Most suicides and suicide attempts are made by intelligent, temporarily confused individuals who are expecting too much of themselves, especially in the midst of a crisis. 

MYTH: Once a person has made a serious suicide attempt, that person is unlikely to make another. 

FACT: The opposite is often true. Persons who have made prior suicide attempts may be at greater risk of actually committing suicide; for some, suicide attempts may seem easier a second or third time.

MYTH: If a person is seriously considering suicide, there is nothing you can do about it. 

FACT: Most suicidal crises are time limited and based on unclear thinking. Persons attempting suicide want to ESCAPE from their problems. Instead, they need to confront their problems directly in order to find other solutions--solutions which can be found with the help of concerned individuals who support them, step by step, through the crisis period until they are able to think more clearly. q 

MYTH: Talking about suicide may give a person the idea. 

FACT: The crisis and resulting emotional distress will already have triggered the thought in a vulnerable person. Your openness and concern in asking about suicide will allow the person experiencing pain to talk about the problem which may help reduce his or her anxiety. This may also allow the person with suicidal thoughts to feel less lonely or isolated, and perhaps a bit relieved.

Danger Signs for Suicide

At least 70% of all people committing suicide give some clue as to their intentions. Being aware of these clues and the severity of the person's problems can help prevent this tragedy. If a person you know is going through a particularly stressful time... perhaps having difficulty maintaining a meaningful relationship... having consistent failure in meeting goals... or even experiencing stress at having failed an important test... watch out for other signs of crisis. People may convey their intentions directly with statements such as "I feel like killing myself," or "I don't know how much longer I can take this." Others may hint at a detailed suicide plan with statements such as "I've been saving up my pills in case things get really bad," or "Lately I've been driving my car like I don't care what happens." In general, statements about feelings of depression, helplessness, loneliness, and/or hopelessness may suggest suicidal thoughts. Listen to these "cries for help" because they are usually desperate attempts to communicate to others the need to be understood and helped. Often people thinking about suicide show outward changes in their behavior. They may prepare for death by giving away prized possessions, making a will, or putting other affairs in order. They may withdraw from those around them, change eating or sleeping patterns, or lose interest in prior activities or relationships. A sudden, intense lift in spirits may also be a danger signal, as it may indicate the person already feels a sense of relief knowing the problems will "soon be ended."

How You Can Help

Most suicides can be prevented by sensitive response to the person in crisis. If you think someone you know may be suicidal, you should: 

  • Remain calm. In most instances, there is no rush. Sit and listen...really listen to what the person is saying. Give active emotional support and understanding for his/ her feelings. 
  • Deal directly with the topic of suicide. Most individuals have mixed feelings about death and dying and are open to help. Don't be afraid to ask or talk directly about suicide. 
  • Get assistance. Although you want to help, don't take full responsibility by trying to be the sole support. Seek resources which can lend qualified help, even if it means breaking a confidence. 

Let the person know you are concerned... so concerned that you are willing to arrange help beyond that which you can offer. 

Call 911 if there is immediate danger or risk!